


Twelfth Night: Acts VI & VII

by jenqzy



Category: Twelfth Night - Shakespeare
Genre: F/F, Gift Fic, Iambic Pentameter, M/M, Multi, Pastiche, Post-Canon, Screenplay/Script Format, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 20:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenqzy/pseuds/jenqzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duke Orsino and Countess Olivia each married the wrong twin. Here, let me fix that for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twelfth Night: Acts VI & VII

**Author's Note:**

> My dear Munditia, I must admit  
> That when your yuletide letter disappeared,  
> I worried, wond'ring what became of it  
> And doubted this short tale should still be reared.  
> Elyn said I should write it anyway,  
> So here it is -- a story just for you!  
> I truly hope this humble fiction may  
> Bring joy and happiness to you anew.
> 
> Many thanks to my betas, laura47 and nextian. You two are awesomecakes served with awesomesauce and a side of awesome.

**ACT VI**

**SCENE 1  
**  
    DUKE ORSINO's _palace. Enter _ORSINO _and _VIOLA.

    VIOLA  
How quickly does time fly, my dearest heart!  
Scarcely have I felt these thirty days,  
Since you and I were wed before the priest,  
And my brother wed to sweet Olivia.

    ORSINO  
Would that the priest have wed a different pair,  
And gave me someone else.

    VIOLA  
                                          What do you mean?

    _Enter _FABIAN

    FABIAN  
Greetings, my lord and lady! Olivia sends her love. Sebastian, too, sends love to both of you.

    ORSINO  
Hello, Fabian. What brings you to our home?

    FABIAN  
An invitation from the count and countess, sir.

    ORSINO  
An invitation?

[_Reads_]  
    _We request the pleasure of your company for dinner, merriment,  
    good cheer, and happiness at our house in seven days. Signed,  
    Sebastian and Olivia_.

[_To_ VIOLA] Well, shall we go?

    VIOLA  
                                          We must attend!  
It's been so long since last we saw them both.  
I miss Sebastian so.

    ORSINO  
                                           As I do, too.  
Then Fabian, please tell your lord and lady:  
We'll see them at their home in one week hence.

    FABIAN  
Thank you, sir. They'll be quite glad to hear it. [_To _VIOLA] They requested that I give this back to you.

    VIOLA  
What's this?

    [VIOLA _opens a small box and takes out a ring_]

[_Aside_] Olivia must have sent 't, but 'tisn't mine.  
And yet, it feels familiar. [_To _ FABIAN] Thank you.

    [FABIAN _bows and exits_]

    ORSINO  
What is it?

    VIOLA  
A trifle; a memory; a nothing never lost,  
Which now has made its short way back to me.

    ORSINO  
I see. Well, best we'd go and prep to sup.  
Curio will call us soon to dine.

    [_Exeunt_]

**SCENE 2  
**  
    OLIVIA's _garden. Enter _SEBASTIAN.

    SEBASTIAN  
My heart is full -- too full to give to one,  
Alone, contained; it is the biggest curse  
That I must bear. For other than my heart,  
I've other organs, too, that are too full.  
And I must love too much for mine own good.

    _Enter _ANTONIO

    ANTONIO  
Sebastian!

    SEBASTIAN  
Antonio! At last, you've come.

    ANTONIO  
I haven't yet, but will, now that I'm here.  
I've missed you, dear Sebastian.

    [ANTONIO _and _SEBASTIAN _embrace_]

How do you fare?

    SEBASTIAN  
I fare Antonio, or so I hope to soon.

    _Enter _FESTE

    FESTE  
Another liaison, Sebastian?

    ANTONIO  
Another?

    SEBASTIAN  
I hear Olivia call you from the house;  
Feste, you'd best respond to her anon.  
You know how much she angers when ignored.

    FESTE  
Strange! I hear no sound but the crowing of a cock. But you are the king of ignoring Olivia.

    ANTONIO  
What is that word, another? How sharp it strikes the heart!

    FESTE  
Ask Sebastian himself, or Fabian. Or Maria, for that matter, before she left with Sir Toby.

    ANTONIO  
Sebastian? What does he mean?

    SEBASTIAN  
He means nothing. The jester jests.

    FESTE  
The count jests. The jester counts -- four in this garden, last week alone. Flowers for a sailor, jewelry for two maids, and one last of some renown, whose name I can't divulge. For I, poor Feste, must sweep my master's tracks.

    ANTONIO  
I must leave. [_Exit_]

    SEBASTIAN  
I wish you'd leave as well.  
'Twill be days before he speaks to me again.

    FESTE  
I wish you'd leave your trysts.  
Someday your love will break my lady's heart.

    [_Exeunt_]

  
**SCENE 3**

    DUKE ORSINO'S _bedroom. Enter _ORSINO _and _VIOLA.

    ORSINO  
Alone at last. Viola, where's your friend?

    VIOLA  
Cesario, Cesario, always Cesario!  
Why can't my duke love poor Viola?  
But as it pleases him, I'll bind my hair,  
And hide my truest self beneath these clothes.

    ORSINO  
Remember, please, the bargain that we made.  
As woman, Viola's flower's petals wilt.  
But as a man, Cesario's gentle youth  
Still holds in it the promise of bright bloom.

  
**SCENE 4  
**  
    OLIVIA'S _house. Enter _MALVOLIO _and _BRUNO_, a servant._

    MALVOLIO  
Curse the fools who mocked me. Curse Maria, and curse Sir Toby, and curse them thrice again for leaving. Gone from Olivia's household, gone from Illyria, to start their lives anew, with no one left for Malvolio's revenge.

    BRUNO  
Yes, sir.

    MALVOLIO  
And worse -- Maria replaced by a dullard like you.

    BRUNO  
Yes, sir.

    MALVOLIO  
But I wonder; what if my lady Olivia were true? That youth, Sebastian, was quick to win her love. It seems unreal, for she meant to mourn her brother seven years. Perhaps foul play was done.

    BRUNO  
Perhaps, sir. They say Count Sebastian is quite fond of cocks.

    MALVOLIO  
I see no other way he could have won her heart. He must have magicked her.

    BRUNO  
Magic? 'Tis illegal in Illyria!

    MALVOLIO  
Magicked, bewitched, hexed; I know not what it was. The signs are clear; he did it, and my lady doesn't know. She loved me once; now I'm sure she loves me still. I must save her from him.

    BRUNO  
How will you do it, sir?

    MALVOLIO  
How, indeed. Next week, at dinner, under distracting guise of guests, you'll poison the twin's wine.

    BRUNO  
I will?

    MALVOLIO  
If you wish to keep employment, you will. Yes, that will work. Once Sebastian's spell is broken, Olivia will be mine again. She'll thank me for rescuing her from his evil clutch.

    BRUNO  
The twins' wine? Which twins, and which wine?

    MALVOLIO  
I'll provide the wine. Sebastian's the twin; his twin is Viola, wife of Duke Orsino. Will you poison the twin's wine?

    BRUNO  
Yes, sir. I'll poison the twins' wine.

    [_Exeunt_]

  
**SCENE 5**

    OLIVIA'S _garden. Enter _OLIVIA.

    OLIVIA  
I wonder if 'twas enough. Fabian said  
She took the ring and didn't throw it back.  
I hope she comes tonight.

    _Enter _VIOLA

Viola?

    VIOLA  
It's been too long. I've missed you. Fabian  
Came with your invite earlier today.  
As well, he had a gift for me alone.  
You cloned the ruse?

    OLIVIA  
                              I did; I wasn't sure  
How else to let you know I've missed you, too.

    VIOLA  
I see.

    OLIVIA  
You're here. I'd scarcely hoped you would appear.  
I've wanted you myself for all this time.  
One month ago, I made a grave mistake;  
The twin I loved was wed to someone else.

    VIOLA  
The twin you wed loves you and no one else.

    OLIVIA  
I wish that it were so, but even then,  
Sebastian's not the same; he's not as smart.  
His wit flows slow'r; his temper is too quick.  
And you; do you truly love the duke?

    VIOLA  
I do; I did; I don't know. He has changed;  
Since I became Viola, he's grown cold.  
He wants Cesario, and I want to be Viola.

    OLIVIA  
I want Viola, too. The day we met,  
When you lay witty words unto my ears,  
I began to see a future life with you,  
A woman who was strong, who was sharp,  
Who found her strength in self and not in men.

    VIOLA  
A woman? Then, you knew Cesario was false?

    OLIVIA  
I thought you knew I knew. I didn't know  
Your name, but in your face I recognized  
A female touch; a woman's sense of calm.  
I thought your guise a ploy to see me more,  
And willingly, I played to see you too.

    VIOLA  
But why Sebastian? Why did you choose  
To wed the other twin instead of me?

    OLIVIA  
It was unfortunate; I must admit  
I knew not of the twin, and in my love,  
In the mom'nt, my eyes were blinded. Though I meant  
To marry dear Cesario -- my Viol' --  
The priest wed me your brother on that day.  
And when I found my error late that night,  
It was too late. You'd wed the duke; my love  
Did seem so joyed, I didn't have the heart  
To stop it. Then I thought, that if two twins  
Could look so close in body, then perhaps  
Two twins might be so close in mind as well.

    VIOLA  
I don't know what to say.

    OLIVIA  
                                    Say nothing, then.  
Just love me for the woman that I am;  
I'll love you in return. Now smile for me;  
I miss the sun upon Viola's bloom.

    _Enter _MALVOLIO _and _FESTE

    FESTE  
This garden's quite the spot.

    MALVOLIO  
What do you mean? Never mind -- Olivia, you must come inside. The cook wishes to discuss next week's meal.

    VIOLA  
I'll leave you be. [_Exit_]

    OLIVIA  
Not now, Malvolio.  
Please go yourself; I trust you'll choose good food.

    MALVOLIO  
Quite good, my lady. There's a special wine --

    OLIVIA  
A wine?

    MALVOLIO  
A lovely wine; quite spicy. Count Sebastian will surely die of delight.

    [_Exeunt_]

                            ***

**ACT VII**

SCENE 1  
  
    OLIVIA'S _house. Music. Enter _OLIVIA _and _FESTE.

    OLIVIA  
They'll be here any moment. Where's the count?

    FESTE  
Counting flowers in the garden.

    _Enter _ORSINO _and _VIOLA

    OLIVIA  
Welcome, dearest friends!

    ORSINO  
Your pleasure's ours. But where's Sebastian?

    OLIVIA  
The garden, I believe. I'll fetch him now. [_Exit_]

    ORSINO  
The gard'n, our secret place? What could this mean?

    FESTE  
What happens in the garden, stays in the garden.

    ORSINO  
[_Aside_] I thought Sebastian went there just for me.

    VIOLA  
The garden?

    FESTE  
Indeed, the garden. A magical place, my lady, where the mums keep mum, love is found anew, and your brother affects them all.

    VIOLA &amp; ORSINO  
What?

    FESTE  
Indeed; he's quite the player, though Feste's been ill affected. He cut my pay as soon as he was count.

    VIOLA  
Surely you jest; that's not Sebastian.

    FESTE  
He'd hardly romance you.

    ORSINO  
Enough of this. Feste, sing for us.

    FESTE  
As you wish, my lord.

[_Sings_]  
_    Ohh, caught in a bad romance  
    Ohh, caught in a bad romance  
_  
    ORSINO  
Stop; your voice is screeching to my ears.  
If Olivia knew, she'd turn you out anon.

    _Enter _MALVOLIO, BRUNO, _and _FABIAN

    MALVOLIO  
The meal is served.

    VIOLA  
Where's Olivia? And Sebastian?

    MALVOLIO  
Waiting in the room. Fabian shall escort you.

    [_Exeunt _FABIAN, ORSINO, _and _VIOLA]

[_To _BRUNO] Do you have the dust?

    BRUNO  
I have it. Shall I poison the twins' wine with poison, in the wine?

    MALVOLIO  
Yes. Poison the twin's wine, and Olivia will be mine once again.

    [_Exeunt_]

  
**SCENE 2  
**  
    OLIVIA'S _dining room. _OLIVIA, SEBASTIAN, VIOLA, _and_  
    ORSINO _sit at the table; _FABIAN, FESTE, _and _ATTENDANTS_  
    stand._ _Enter _MALVOLIO _and _BRUNO.

    SEBASTIAN  
Malvolio! Where's the wine!

    MALVOLIO  
Here, my lord. Bruno will serve it now.

    BRUNO  
Indeed, I'll serve the special wine we've specially prepared for you.

    ORSINO  
Sebastian, when we met Olivia  
We wondered where you were; so where were you?

    SEBASTIAN  
Outside, my duke, to take the briefest walk.

    OLIVIA  
With whom, dear husband?

    MALVOLIO  
[_To _BRUNO] Do it now.

    [BRUNO _hands wine to _SEBASTIAN _and _OLIVIA]

    SEBASTIAN  
With whom? Alone; with no one, dearest wife.

    [BRUNO _poisons a glass of wine and hands it to _VIOLA]

    BRUNO  
[_To _VIOLA] My lady, your wine is especially special tonight.

    MALVOLIO  
[_To _BRUNO] Fool! The other twin!

    BRUNO  
[_To _MALVOLIO] I thought you said the twins' wine.

    MALVOLIO  
[_To _BRUNO] The twin's wine! Sebastian!

    [BRUNO _poisons a glass of wine and hands it to _SEBASTIAN]

    BRUNO  
[_To _SEBASTIAN] A special drink for my lord.

    OLIVIA  
No one makes loud noises through the flow'rs.  
He sounds like one I know -- Antonio.

    SEBASTIAN  
You likely heard the wind. But now -- a toast!  
To friends and family, to life and love.  
Let's drink and cease all quarreling tonight.

    [_They stand and drink. _SEBASTIAN _and _VIOLA _fall_ _down_]

    OLIVIA &amp; ORSINO  
My love!

    [OLIVIA _runs to _VIOLA; ORSINO _runs to _SEBASTIAN]

    OLIVIA  
Why do you hold my husband in your arms?

    ORSINO  
Why do you hold my gentle wife in yours?

    FESTE  
Aha! The quarrel's solved.

    MALVOLIO  
I am a fool.

    FESTE  
You are, for the women want no men, and the men want no women. And no one wants Malvolio, not even Sebastian, who wants them all.

    OLIVIA  
What is this treachery? Poisoned wine?  
Explain, before I turn you all outside.

    BRUNO  
My lady, the steward ordered me to do it. He holds the purse, and I hold my salary dear. He gave me the poison; the fault is his.

    OLIVIA  
Malvolio, go. Fabian, please follow close.  
Demand a cure to that which kills my love;  
If Viola's death be on your hands tonight,  
Malvolio's death be on my hands tomorrow.

    FABIAN  
Of course, my lady. I'll send for a doctor.

    [_Exeunt _MALVOLIO _and _FABIAN]

    OLIVIA  
Orsino, Bruno, let's bring them both upstairs.

    [_Exeunt_]

  
**SCENE 3**

    OLIVIA'S_ bedroom. Enter _ORSINO (_carrying SEBASTIAN_),  
    BRUNO _(carrying _VIOLA_), _OLIVIA, _and _FESTE.

    BRUNO  
My lady, where shall I put her?

    OLIVIA  
The bed, and place Sebastian on the couch.

    ORSINO  
Olivia, how long has this gone on?  
I didn't know you'd made me a cuckold.

    OLIVIA  
Nothing has gone on. Your twin, at least,  
Is faithful. Would I say the same for mine.  
Orsino's no cuckold, but I'm a cuckquean.

    ORSINO  
The fault is mine.

    OLIVIA  
                         It's not; the fault is his.  
Sebastian's one whose heart is much too large.  
If you have shared his heart, then take no blame;  
Lest all Illyria take the blame as well.

    ORSINO  
Sebastian, I thought you loved me best.

    OLIVIA  
At that, I can't be sure. But know this truth;  
The only name he speaks in sleep is yours.

    _Enter _MALVOLIO, FABIAN, _and _DOCTOR MUNDITIA

    FABIAN  
A cure! And a doctor. We bring both.

    OLIVIA  
Come quick, before the poison sets within  
And Viola's love is lost to me forever.

    [MUNDITIA _examines _VIOLA]

    MUNDITIA  
This is a lucky case; the poison's weak.  
If just one twin had drunk the dose of both,  
There'd be a coroner inside this room,  
Examining the stiff and rotting corpse.  
Instead, you have my services to use,  
And by my years, they'll both come out unharmed.

    ORSINO  
Thank the gods!

    [MUNDITIA _administers medicine to _VIOLA,  
    _then to _SEBASTIAN. _Both twins awaken._]

    SEBASTIAN  
What happened?

    VIOLA  
Where am I?

    OLIVIA  
Shhh; you're in my bed. Malvolio  
Had poisoned you; but now the doctor's here.  
For you, I'm here as well, my Viola;  
And with me by your side, there's naught to fear.

    VIOLA  
What of your husband, love? And what of mine?

    FESTE  
It's not clear? The solution's staring in the face, or on the couch. Even a fool could see it.

    ORSINO  
He's right. Olivia knows; Sebastian too,  
What must be done to fix the thing we've wrought.  
Olivia meant to wed Sebastian's twin,  
Orsino should have wed the man himself.  
But then, five weeks ago, our stars were crossed;  
The duke and countess found themselves engaged  
And married to the twin they didn't love.

    OLIVIA  
Viola, will you come and live with me?

    ORSINO  
Sebastian, will you come with me tonight?

    VIOLA &amp; SEBASTIAN  
Yes!

    SEBASTIAN  
My duke, I have loved many; but you know  
I've loved you most. Let me bring you my hearts  
And increase our love threefold.

    VIOLA  
                                             Olivia,  
I've thought these seven days on what you said;  
Your words were dear to me. I'll stay with you;  
We'll live life in your garden, free of men.

    OLIVIA  
It's settled, then. Bruno, Malvolio,  
I quit you of your duties to this house.  
Now leave before I call Illyr'an guards  
To forcibly eject you from my grounds.

    MALVOLIO  
I deluded myself this time, without Maria's help.

    BRUNO  
I'll never serve wine again.

    _[Exeunt _MALVOLIO _and _BRUNO]

    ORSINO  
Sebastian, my heart's too full for words.  
If hearts you want, I'll let you bring them, too.

    [_Exeunt _ORSINO _and _SEBASTIAN]

    FABIAN  
Doctor, may I escort you back to town?

    MUNDITIA  
You may.

    [_Exeunt _FABIAN _and _MUNDITIA]

    OLIVIA  
The dinner's ruined, and yet I can't deny  
I wish the night had gone no other way.

    VIOLA  
My love, I'd like to see the flowers now.  
Their fragrance must smell lovely in the dark.

    [_Exeunt _OLIVIA _and _VIOLA]

    FESTE  
The tale is done; the mismatched pieces matched  
To matching homes. Around them falls the night;  
Within, their hearts are full of newfound hope,  
While dreams of future love soar up in flight.  
And if their happiness is so begun,  
Then surely love be found for everyone.

    [_Exit_]

**Author's Note:**

> (will s., please don't kill me! *cowers*)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Twelfth Night: Acts VI &amp; VII [Podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4511385) by [the_dragongirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_dragongirl/pseuds/the_dragongirl)




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